WELCOME TO THE THIRD INSTALLMENT OF TRIPPING OLNEY’S 2013 MLB SEASON PREDICTIONS.

TEAMS ARE LISTED IN ORDER OF PREDICTED FINISH WITHIN THEIR DIVISION.  THERE WILL ALSO BE A BRIEF ANALYSIS OF EACH CLUB.

WE’RE DOING THE AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL TODAY BECAUSE NOBODY CARES ABOUT THEM.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL:

DETROIT TIGERS

THE DETROIT TIGERS’ POSTGAME CLUBHOUSE SPREAD

–          THE TIGERS WILL MISS JOSE VALVERDE AND DELMON YOUNG’S BODY MASS BUT HAVE ENOUGH EXCESS WEIGHT IN OTHER AREAS. THEY ARE HEAVY FAVORITES TO BEAT THE YANKEES AND A’S IN THE PLAYOFFS AGAIN, REACH THE WORLD SERIES, AND ROLL OVER AND DIE FOR A GRITTY NATIONAL LEAGUE CLUB FOR THE THIRD TIME IN EIGHT YEARS.

CHICAGO WHITE SOX

CHRIS SALE

–         AN ANONYMOUS SCOUT ON THE WHITE SOX: “THEY WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO CONTEND AGAIN AS LONG AS CHRIS SALE DOESN’T COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR DURING THE SEASON. LITERALLY DISAPPEAR.”

KANSAS CITY ROYALS

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE JUST LIKE BRUCE CHEN

–          THE ROYALS TRADED FOR JAMES SHIELDS LAST WINTER WHICH IS ODD SINCE THEY ALREADY HAD A LEGITIMATE ACE IN BRUCE CHEN. THEY WILL FINISH THIRD BECAUSE IF THEY FINISH THIRD OR BETTER, THEY GET TO HAVE A POSTSEASON PIZZA PARTY AT JEFF FRANCOEUR’S HOUSE.

CLEVELAND INDIANS

TERRY FRANCONA’S FACE UPON REALIZING THAT HE ACTUALLY SAID YES TO THE INDIANS JOB

–          THE INDIANS SPENT A LOT OF MONEY TO BRING NICK SWISHER IN. SWISHER SIGNED WITH CLEVELAND TO ENSURE THAT HE CAN CONTINUE HIS STREAK OF SEASONS IN WHICH HE DOES NOT SHOW UP TO PLAYOFF GAMES. THEY ALSO HIRED TERRY FRANCONA BECAUSE HE HAS LOTS OF FRIED CHICKEN AND BEER CONTACTS.

MINNESOTA TWINS

JOE MAUER IN HIS NATURAL STATE – DOUBLED OVER IN PAIN

–          THE TWINS HAVE HAD A SURPRISING LACK OF SUCCESS CONSIDERING THEY ARE MANAGED BY SANTA CLAUS. THEY WILL BE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THEIR SEASON UNTIL JOE MAUER BREAKS HIS ARM WHILE OPENING A BOTTLE OF HEAD & SHOULDERS, KNOCKING HIM OUT FOR THE YEAR.