WELCOME TO THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF TRIPPING OLNEY’S 2013 MLB SEASON PREDICTIONS.

TEAMS ARE LISTED IN ORDER OF PREDICTED FINISH WITHIN THEIR DIVISION.  THERE WILL ALSO BE A BRIEF ANALYSIS OF EACH CLUB.

SINCE YOU A-HOLES ALWAYS BITCH AT ME ABOUT EAST COAST BIAS, I’M STARTING ON THE WEST COAST.  SUCK ON THAT.

AMERICAN LEAGUE WEST:

 LOS ANGELES ANAHEIM ANGELS OF ANAHEIM COUNTY DISNEYLANDVILLE

GUYS LOOK. IT’S MIKE TROUT.

–          MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT.  MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT MIKE TROUT.

OAKLAND ATHLETICS

BILLY BEANE

–          BRAD PITT’S A’S WILL UNDOUBTEDLY COME OUT OF NOWHERE AGAIN TO REACH THE PLAYOFFS, BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T BE MONEYBALL WITHOUT A POSTSEASON LETDOWN.

TEXAS RANGERS

RON WASHINGTON

–          JOSH HAMILTON IS GONE SO NOW RON WASHINGTON WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT NOT HAVING DRUGS AROUND. WASHINGTON SAID OF MANAGING WITHOUT COCAINE, “IT’S INCREDIBLY HARD.”  HIS MANAGING WILL ONLY GET WORSE AS HE RESUMES HIS RECREATIONAL DRUG USE.

SEATTLE MARINERS

I KNOW FELIX…I KNOW.

–          SIGNING FELIX HERNANDEZ TO A HEFTY CONTRACT AND TRADING FOR MICHAEL MORSE WON’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THE MARINERS CAN’T HIT THE BALL.  HERNANDEZ IS WELL ON HIS WAY TO BECOMING THE FIRST PITCHER TO LOSE AFTER THROWING A COMPLETE GAME SHUTOUT.

HOUSTON ASTROS

PETALUMA CELEBRATES ITS VICTORY OVER THE ASTROS.

–          AFTER BEING ELIMINATED FROM POSTSEASON CONTENTION BY THE PETALUMA LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM, JOSE ALTUVE SAID THAT THE ASTROS ARE PLAYING THE 2013 SEASON FOR “PRIDE AND POSTGAME SNACKS.”