WELCOME TO #TRIPPINGTUESDAY IN WHICH UNCLE BUSTER ANSWERS ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT BASEBALL AND LIFE. I’M LIKE YOUR OWN PERSONAL CAMP COUNSELOR.

I GOT A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT MIKE TROUT. I’M NOT SURE WHY. I DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM THAT MUCH, DO I?

Q: @TomSchn823: “Bruce Chen?”

A: YES. AND THEN SOME.

Q: @tsikora12: “how much meth do you have to do to make it seem like the Red Sox will have a good year?”

A: METH CAN’T DO THAT.  FRIED CHICKEN AND BEER WILL DO THE TRICK THOUGH.

Q: @MK12679: “Who are you?”

A: I AM…..BATMAN.

Q: @ClintHurdled: “Would I be a better manager of the US WBC team than Joe Torre?

A: WELL THAT REALLY DEPENDS ON A COUPLE OF FACTORS.  TORRE HAS MANAGED TO KEEP JOE MAUER FROM SHATTERING INTO 84 PIECES, PRETTY REMARKABLE.  HE ALSO GOT KEY HITS FROM A MEMBER OF THE METS AND A MEMBER OF THE ROYALS, INEXPLICABLE.  THE MORE I THINK OF IT…THE MORE BIZARRE THE WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC BECOMES.  TO BE FRANK, AND I’M NOT, I’M BUSTER. BUT TO BE FRANK, PROBABLY ROBINSON, PERHAPS CATALANOTTO, MAYBE MENECHINO. BUT REALLY,  I’M NOT SURE ANYONE COULD OVERMANAGE A TEAM QUITE LIKE JOE TORRE HAS.  HE’S MANAGED TO PUSH ALL THE WRONG BUTTONS AND STILL COME OUT VICTORIOUS AND WILL MOVE INTO THE NEXT ROUND.  HE’S OVERMANAGED TEAM USA TO A POINT OF SUCCESS, AND THAT’S SOMETHING RESERVED FOR THE LEGENDS LIKE LA RUSSA AND TORRE.

Q: @NotRickHahn: Why Are There So Many Languages in The World?

A: BECAUSE PEOPLE HOLD ONTO THEIR LANGUAGE AS PART OF THEIR IDENTITY.  AS THE ROMANS MOVED WEST INTO EUROPE, THEY MADE AN ATTEMPT TO FORCE THEIR LANGUAGE ON THE PEOPLE THEY CONQUERED.  THOSE PEOPLE EITHER ACCEPTED OR REJECTED LATIN, BUT IN SOME CASES, COMBINED LATIN AND THEIR NATIVE LANGUAGE TO FORM NEW SOUNDS AND LANGUAGES THROUGH WHICH THEY COULD VERBALLY COMMUNICATE.  THIS CAUSED THE FORMATION OF NEW LANGUAGES THROUGHOUT EUROPE.  THOSE LANGUAGES, COMBINED WITH THE NATIVE LANGUAGES OF PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE WORLD, MAKE UP THE VAST ARRAY OF DIFFERENT LANGUAGES HUMAN BEINGS ACROSS THE GLOBE SPEAK TODAY.  OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

Q: @ForbesToFederal: “Will the Pirates finally break the losing streak this year?”

A: IS IT SUDDENLY 1971 AGAIN?

Q: @beearedee: “Do you think Brandon Inge should’ve gotten a vasectomy?”

A: I’M NOT COMFORTABLE ANSWERING THAT. I DO THINK HE SHOULD’VE GOTTEN A BETTER TATTOO ARTIST.

Q: @MadSports8: “Which number will be higher this season- Miguel Cabrera home runs, or games Joe Mauer misses due to injury?”

A: MINNESOTA TWINS LOSSES.

Q: @MikeMassaroli: “Who’s your pick for Pope, Buster?”

A: I PERSONALLY THINK KEN ROSENTHAL WOULD BOTH LOOK PERFECT IN THE HAT AND FIT PERFECTLY IN THE POPEMOBILE. HE COULD EVEN INTRODUCE A NEW PAPAL BOWTIE SERIES.

Q: @gladdyontherise: “Have you ever had an incident with Chowder like Jhonny Peralta did?”

A: SHANE SPENCER ONCE THREW A MANGO AT ME WHILE I WAS COVERING THE YANKEES. DOES THAT COUNT?

Q: @craigary: “YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ONE: WHICH TEAM HAS THE BEST CHEMISTRY?”

A: I HAVE SPOKEN TO PLENTY OF SOURCES AND VISITED A FEW CAMPS MYSELF AND THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION IS EASY: THE HOUSTON ASTROS ARE UNITED BY A COMMON BOND OF MINOR LEAGUE SKILLSETS, A GENERAL LACK OF INCOME, AND A LOVE OF FRUIT SNACKS.

Q: @slevingarfinkel: “DO YOU HAVE THE SAME METH DEALER AS JEFFREY LORIA, HE HAD A TERRIBLE TRIP”

A: LORIA IS COMPLETELY SOBER. BELIEVE ME, IF HE DID DRUGS, HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LET GO OF YOUPPI.

Q: @joeserrato1: “DELMON YOUNG VS KEN ROSENTHAL FOR PHILLIES RF. WHO WINS”

A: CERTAINLY NOT THE PHILLIES.

Q: @kpLUCH: “do u think the Spanish inquisition had as big of an effect on Jonathan Sanchez’s life that he claims it did?”

A: I THINK THERE’S A LOT TO THIS THEORY. AFTER ALL, NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION. SANCHEZ’S CONTINUING CONTROL PROBLEMS COULD BE ATTRIBUTED TO LINGERING TRAUMA AFTER HAVING BEEN SUBJECTED TO THE COMFY CHAIR.

Q: @SNESmaster: “WILL YOU SMOKE FROM THE SISTINE CHAPEL CHIMNEY”

A: HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE BEST IDEA WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THIS?

IF I DID NOT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION THIS WEEK YOU CAN TRY AGAIN NEXT WEEK BUT I CAN ONLY ANSWER SO MANY BECAUSE THE DRUGS DON’T LAST FOREVER YOU KNOW?